I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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