And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
