Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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