I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
