I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
