Where are you?
In a non slutty way
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
