i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
