a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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