If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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