I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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