I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
