Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
