There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize