Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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