I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
