If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
