who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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