And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
