ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
