after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
