Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
operation have a gay friend backfired
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
