The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
