just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
