I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize