i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
