My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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