I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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