Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize