So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
