But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
