I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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