That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
