I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
