Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
