even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
