If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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