I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize