Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
