I looked at my own cervix.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
