You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
