I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Im part way to drunk.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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