I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
