I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
