Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize