i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
