I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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