Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
