Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
