I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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