im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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