I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
