so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
3pm strippers are depressing
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
