my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
