Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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