My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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