haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize