I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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