i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
