I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
