He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
