So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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