That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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