When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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