I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
