Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
