Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
