She said her name was "party"
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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