I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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