Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
