right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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