Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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