he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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