Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
