hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
