i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize